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| May it be to me as you have said... |
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一粒沙 发表于 2008-2-18 20:30:00 |
Just want to share my experience last night during the evening service in St Mike - my local English church. I knew so clearly that it was Holy Spirit working in me.
I was feeling a bit spiritually dry during last week, didn’t spend much time on prayer and didn’t have much 感动during QT or worship. The fire I got from DTC and retreat seems a bit fade away, and I was praying about this and asked God for help.
Last night during the evening service, I started to feel the inner-shaking again as soon as we started the worship, the same feeling I had during the retreat and a few times during the worship time after retreat. After it the teaching was about John chapter 18, when the Jesus was arrested. During yesterday lunch time, a sister kindly reminded me that we should have a humble heart each time when we go to any conference or listen to the teaching, cos we will always learn something new. So even I heard the story lots of times, I listened to it carefully. At the end of the teaching, the pastor draw 2 main points from the passage, about Peter’s sword. The 2nd point is following God, but in our own way. Peter was trying to protect Jesus using his sword, but Jesus stopped him cos He know what He need to suffer. The pastor said Peter was trying to serve the Lord in his own way, it is a bit like we are saying “Yes, but No” to God.
When this point came up on the screen, I clearly know it was God spoke directly into my heart. It is exactly me. 在我的潜意识里，I know I want to serve God, but I kind of have my own plan, i.e. after a few years job when I clearly feel God’s calling, I ll go to bible college and after that I may go over the world to serve Him, I kind of imagine of an exciting life of serving God, a way that I like. These thoughts are just so vague, I didn’t tell anybody about this before, if not from this teaching, even myself wouldn’t really know or think through these thoughts. But last night when I saw the message, I knew I was wrong. God want me to serve Him in His way, I need to totally submit my life to Him, let Him lead me what He want me to do, I believe it will be a way that beyond my imagination, but I trust Him cos He has the very special purpose in my life.
I started to cough even before the teaching was finished. I knew it was Holy Spirit working in me cos I didn’t drink water or catch any cold so there was no reason for me to cough at all. And I remembered during the retreat when Jackie was praying for us, she said you may want to cough when Holy Spirit was working in you. Then we stood up for the next worship song, I found I hardly can sing cos I couldn’t stop coughing, and I felt I wanted to cry out. I only got calm down a bit after the entire song and when we sat down for communion. When I sat down, I prayed to God, I am sorry, Lord, for the things I made it, and I want to submit my life to You, please take away my own desire, any of my own plan, show me Your way…
After the service two St Mike people prayed for me. Coming out from the building, I didn’t feel as cold as when I come, cos I know God set the fire in my heart again. This morning when I woke up, I felt so refreshed and in love with God, really different feeling with last week when I felt dry and unenthusiastic, I recalled my experience last night, and God let me see more….
I started to think of my church leader and her serving for us, all the effort she put into our church since 4 years ago when the church started. Her life, is certainly not as exciting as when we look at some other famous worship leaders or evangelists who are travelling around the world and lead thousands of people to Jesus in the big outreach events. But she is serving God, in the position that God has put her in, by loving us, protecting us and teaching us God’s word. There are thousands of pastors like her in the world, who are humbly serving in the position, without many people knowing them and their work, without enough finical support, and facing all sort of difficulties in their lives themselves. But they showed people Jesus’ love, the love that God want us to show the world. As you read this, please pray for our church leaders, they’ve made the great sacrifice for God and for us.
This morning God let me see again that following God is not as exciting as I imagined, i.e. traveling around the world and outreach to people. I might just stay at one place for most of my life, like what Jackie Pullinger did when she started her ministry in Hong Kong, only God and the people who have been lead to Jesus through her knew about her love and her work. But this really isn’t the matter, God knows what’s the best position for us, and what He only need is a heart that totally open and submit to His will. I prayed as Mary did: I am the Lord’s servant, May it be to me as you have said. I prayed as this before, but this time God let me see more about what this prayer really means.
I pray that as you read this, you will open your heart and ask God really be the MASTER of our life, ask for His help on giving up our own desire, and asking Him for giving us a submissive heart, cos He has a special purpose for each one of us, the purpose that really will beyond our imagination.
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| Re:May it be to me as you have said... |
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fanling发表评论于2008-2-20 5:09:00 |
是的，让神真实做我们生命的主，很多我们的“事奉心志”，不过是血气肉体情欲的另一个发表，跟随主的路，就是“舍己、天天背起十字架跟随主”...没有捷径可走。
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